So the editors of The Yuba Post have declared war on the First Amendment, the freedom of speech, and dirty limericks, which, as defined by the good people at Wikipedia, are really the only kind of true limerick. It states, "the true limerick, as a folk form, is always obscene." The clean limerick, it goes on to say, is "a periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity."
Furthermore, I'd like to point out that the "faddy" and "mediocre" Yuba Post actually stipulated in the rules of the "Submit a LimerickPic Contest," that "dirty limericks are allowed." Thus, not only does the Yuba Post support the categorical stamping out of free expression, they seem to have no problem lying and breaking the rules on a whim. Like some kind of lark.
Well, far be it for me to tell the snide little people of Yuba how to run their show, but I am here, breaking form from the traditional music and movie content of The Static, to take a stand for free speech and dirty limericks. Posted below are three LimerickPics, which the Post either rejected, or, in a cruel twist of events, edited without so much as asking permission from the writer to do so. How dare you, Yuba Post. No wonder your writers have quit on you.
SANTORUM #1
I once knew a douche named Santorum We tried but we couldn't ignore him Now the frothy mix Of cum and shit Is something we call a Santorum
SANTORUM #2
His daughter matches her doll His sleezy intolerance appalls He thinks sex in the butt Is like fucking a duck But he can kindly suck my balls!
LOST IN THE ABYSS
I entered the ice cave on my nightly hunt But quickly regretted that silly stunt For weeks I sought To change my lot When a shaft of light led me out of that cunt.
I'm kind of, sort of, very addicted to this song by Swedish synth-pop princess Sally Shapiro. It's a cover of a song by Swedish twee group, Nixon, and it's on her album Disco Romance which will finally come out in the U.S. later this year. It feels like the perfect preamble to Fall. I can't wait for the leaves to change color, to crunch under my feet like broken glass, for that brisk breeze on my cheek as I walk through the park past children playing soccer... Oh, wait. I live in LA. We don't get seasons. Well, at least I have Sally Shapiro and her cool, brisk voice. It'll do for now.
So, what used to be the coolest thing ever is now pretty much the lamest thing ever. On my computer, each song on the Static Sounds playlist played in full. However, I soon discovered that most of the songs - namely the ones I uploaded myself as opposed to finding online - only played for about 30 seconds on everyone else's machine. This sucks large sasquatch balls. I was not trying to tease you. I am not a tease.
So, basically, instead of being a feature of The Static, I'll leave the playlist as is for that single post. In the future, I will post tracks, but unfortunately, I will not be able to upload tracks to play for you. Rather, I'll have to post tracks already cleared by the artists on Imeem. And I probably won't incorporate a playlist.
I hope we can all move on. I might need some time, though.
Plug your computers into your speakers and turn up the volume! The Static introduces STATIC SOUNDS, a playlist for the adventurous and the literate. As often as possible, I will post music from albums or artists I've written about or that I just plain enjoy. Honestly, this is a dream come true for me. I've never been much of a musician - 10 years of the alto sax, but I couldn't write a chord progression to save my life, let alone melody, hook, or bridge - but I get absolutely geeked when someone will let me play new music for them. I don't know what it is, but playing music for people, whether new music they've never heard, or old favorites that bind us, just sets me off. I want you to love what I love. I want you to hear these songs and need to hear them again. I want you to wake up in the morning with the song playing over and over in your head. I want you to hum these songs when you're brushing your teeth, sing them in the shower, and pine for them on the way to the record store (or, god help us, iTunes). To totally psychoanalyze myself, if you love a song that I love, then we have that in common. When we're singing along together to the same nasty bridge, we're not alone. Some people have religion...
I don't want to write a blurb about every track because there are 22 but I'm going to pick my spots. The first six tracks are by artists that have all been blogged about on The Static.
"Slow Show" by the National was the frame-work song of my review for Boxer, their latest LP.
I first heard "The Moon" by The Microphones in a coffee shop in Ann Arbor, MI. The song hit me like a Japanese monsoon. I couldn't believe what was coming from the overhead speakers. I immediately stopped a conversation I was having in order to listen. After a couple verses, I rushed up to the counter to ask who the band was. The barista didn't know but was cool enough to duck into the back room to check. This nameless hero introduced me to the Microphones. I immediately left the coffee shop and hauled ass to Wazoo, the most wonderful record store in Southeastern Michigan, where I bought the Microphones' The Glow Pt. 2 I haven't been the same since.
"Bone Broke" comes off the White Stripes' new album Icky Thump. I've chosen not to review the album because the world doesn't need another review of the White Stripes. The album is fantastic, by the way. And this is one of my favorite songs from it. Listen to the break down. When it hits, it twists your insides in a nasty, filthy minor key change* that just fucking kicks you in the ass. It is the dirtiest shit you'll hear this year. (*When I say "minor key change," I'm pretty much making that up. Like I said, I don't know anything about making music. It sounds like a minor key change to me, but I also think I look exactly like Brad Pitt.)
It's like we were separated at birth or something.
"Heartbeats" by Swedish band the Knife was covered by Jose Gonzalez (a fellow Swede, obviously) on his wonderful debut album, Veneer. His cover is great, but I'm putting up the original right now because, if anything, it shows that Jose has greattaste. This song appears on Deep Cuts and I can't get enough of it. Incidentally, The Knife's latest LP, Silent Shouts garnered Pitchfork's #1 album of 2006. Not too shabby.
I don't want to say too much about Nelly Furtado's "Say it Right." Just, please don't right it off. It's addictive and hypnotic. With the right speakers the bass plays in your gut, and the synth chimes, congos, and electric guitar pulsate just beneath the wonderfully ethereal hook. It's Timbaland at his absolute best and you can't deny that man's talent. Seriously, this song is fucking awesome.
Joanna Newsom is somebody you need to know. Last year's album Ys (pronounced "ees") was my favorite album of the year. Five epic songs, 55 minutes. Each one an absolute spectacle of beauty and sincerity. She's a harpist with a nymphish voice, a penchant for intricately wound, often opaque stories, and the most archaic vernacular pop music's ever been burdened with. Recently she released an EP, Joanna Newsom and the Ys Street Band (seriously) on which this song appeared. This is the band she toured with in support of Ys. Side note: men tend to use their guitars as extensions of their penises on stage. It's phallic and violent. When Joanna's on stage, the harp cradled in the nook between her shoulder and neck, her arms extended to the strings, she looks as though she's holding the face of her lover, caressing his jaw line, gazing into his eyes. It's the complete opposite. It's completely, wonderfully, feminine.
Just say it with me: "Sleater-Kinney are on a temporary hiatus. It's just temporary." This song comes from the album Dig Me Out which essentially dug Sleater-Kinney out of the "riot grrrrl" masses and thrust them into the neo-punk foreground. It's an amazing song and the last song they played at their "last" show in their home city of Portland, OR. Apparently they were all crying as they pumped their way through its tortured three minutes.
"No Children" - one of my favorite songs, and the full version of the song I'm singing my heart out to in the clip posted here. Sing it with me, "I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow. I hope it bleeds all day long!"
Yes, you all know about the Decemberists. Good for you. Capital records yanks a verbose, Victorian-obsessed, prog-pop band out of the indie gutters and suddenly everybody's so over them. Well guess what, The Crane Wife 3 is terrific. How 'bout that moment when the bass drops? And the tortured despair in Colin Meloy's voice when he howls, "I will hang my head, hang my head low?" Oh my God. You don't get chills?
Patrick Wolf's new album is called The Magic Position. I don't know what the "magic position" is, but it sounds dirty. I'll keep looking and get back to you when I find it. I think it might even be on this album. Maybe in this song. Oh yeah. That's good. Right there. Right--oh OH!
Here's a little story about the creation of Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain." They had written a song and decided it needed a bridge. So they went into the studio and recorded the bridge. Problem was, they liked the bridge better than the original song. So they turned the bridge into what is now "The Chain," whose title comes from all the different pieces they "chained" together to create the song. The only part of the original that remains is at the very end. You'll know it when you hear it.
"Holland, 1945" is from Neutral Milk Hotel's In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, maybe one of the greatest albums ever recorded. Most of the album, oddly enough, is directly inspired by and in reference to The Diary of Ann Frank, which was apparently intensely inspirational and devastating for singer/songwriter Jeff Mangum. The album was recorded in 1997. It was Neutral Milk Hotel's second album. We've not heard from Mr. Mangum since. I don't know if anybody knows where he is or what happened to him.
Both Beirut and Okkervil River have new albums out. These songs are from their previous albums. They are amazing. Please enjoy. I'm sure I'll be talking much more about both bands in the very near future.
By the way, if you have a song you think belongs on Static Sounds, please send it to me. If I like it, I'll put it on the playlist.
