Smart People

The problem with smart people is that they can be really boring sometimes.

Also, is anyone else as annoyed by Ellen Page's shtick as I am?

RECORD REVIEWS IN 100 WORDS OR LESS (give or take 41 words)

THE MOUNTAIN GOATS
HERETIC PRIDE
(7.8)


John Darnielle eschews the autobiography of his last two albums and returns to weaving stories of characters in his imagination. While far superior to his previous outing, Get Lonely, Heretic Pride doesn’t hold up to his masterpieces (see: All Hail West Texas, Tallahassee, Sunset Tree). Of course, it would be unfair to hold him to such lofty standards on every album. The record is full of gems – its title track is one of the best songs of his career. For that matter, every song on the album that’s meant to kick ass, does. I just wish he’d quit with the sappy falsetto crap (feel free to skip “So Desperate.”) He’s so much more effective when he’s angry, sarcastic, or funny. This record also has the heaviest production in his catalog – that’s not always a good thing (but it’s frequently quite good).

RECORD REVIEWS IN 100 WORDS OR LESS

MAN MAN
Rabbit Habbits
(8.0)*

Wandering band of hobos from Philadelphia put out their tightest record to date, maintaining the old-timey saloon sound, this time with a little less anarchy. While early leaked singles, Hurly / Burly and Top Drawer are fun for a while, the standout tracks are the back to back 7 minute epics that close the album, meshing heartbreak, harmony, and acid and boasting lines like, “I don’t see what every body sees in your sexy body. All I see is a shallow grave trapped inside a pretty face.” Note: They’re not actually hobos. They are actually awesome. Buy this record.

Top Drawer

*New scoring system. A la pitchfork. I'm not original.

John Mayer Actually Does Something Good

So last year, some friends and I went up to San Francisco to go camping and attend Neil Young's Bridge Benefit concert for autism. The concert featured Tegan and Sara, Metallica, minuscule sets by Tom Waits and Neil Young, an amazing set by My Morning Jacket, and one of the most offensive sets I've ever seen by John Mayer.

Here's what happened: John goes through his set, eschewing his shitty radio hits (for the most part) in favor of solid bluesy songs with impressive compositions and some stellar guitar play. Nearing the end of his set, we all felt a little different about John. Perhaps we shouldn't rag on him so much. Perhaps his puke inducing songs "Waiting on the World to Change Because I'm Too Lazy to Actually Do Anything Pro-Active" and "Your Body is an Overpriced Amusement Park That Leaves Me Tired, Angry, and Disappointed" don't actually encompass all that is John Mayer. Then, for his finally, he took us out with Tom Petty's "Free Falling." You can feel the energy in the crowd of a few thousand people, all waiting with bated breath to scream the chorus. "Here it comes...here it comes...oh, oh," and we yell "AND I'M..." And you know what John Mayer does? He decides, "Fuck the anthem. I'm gonna shit all over the chorus. You know, really take it down about 50 notches. Make it smooth. Calm." Can you imagine? He gave an audience of over three thousand people the worst fucking case of blue balls. Every time he got to the chorus, we wanted to SCREAM, while he changed the chords and took it down to a whisper, that son of a bitch. After he left the stage, the crowd started singing Free Falling the way it's supposed to be sung - with anthemic, cathartic, Jerry Maguire-like yelling. I've hated John Mayer twice as much as I ever did since that night.

Which brings me to this. After watching this, I kind of don't hate him anymore. In fact, I kind of wouldn't mind hanging out with him. I still don't want to listen to his music, but this is actually very very funny. There's always a place in my heart for self-deprecation.

We've Finally Discovered What Sank the Titanic

According to the New York Times, "weak rivets" are to blame for the demise of the Titanic.

And all this time we thought it was a glacier! Ha! Fuckin' rivets. They'll get you every time.

The Idea That McCain Is Anything But A Right-Wing Republican Is Absurd

This article from the AP, today, outlines the myriad of ways McCain has consistently lobbied and voted for fringe right policies. Worth a read, but I assume, as my friends, if you're reading this blog, you don't need someone to tell you that McCain tows the line.

However, I'm posting this because I found this little quote to be funny:

In February, McCain said, "I am pro-life and an advocate for the rights of man everywhere in the world."

The rights of women, on the other hand...

Technically Not a New Post

But hilarious.

Question from Kazekiel

Kazekiel asked, "Is that your real hair? Because it kind of looks fake."

What the hell are you talking about? What hair are you referring to? If you're asking about the carpet and the drapes, don't worry. They match. And it's real. Most of it.

But I have a question for you, Kazekiel. Is that your real name? 'Cause that must have sucked in elementary school. And then high school. College. Job market. Bachelor life. You're a bachelor, right? With a name like Kazekiel, I would assume so. However, maybe you should take a trip to Renaissance Festival. I can definitely see you hooking up with some spiked mace wielding, horse riding, no silver ware eating, black plague fighting, 14th Century wench.

Or perhaps you could check out Amish country in my home state of Pennsylvania. They do dudes named Ezekiel all the time, so Kazekiel shouldn't be a far stretch. Sure, the chick's got 6 fingers, but that's a good thing. Trust me.

So sorry for the delay in posting...

But I'm actually holding out to see Sweeney Todd before writing my year end movie list. I know I said I'd write it after There Will Be Blood, but, um, I lied.

In the meantime, feel free to send me questions or topics in the comment page which you would like me to answer or comment on in a witty fashion.

That should be fun.

Umm...