Free Speech!

So the editors of The Yuba Post have declared war on the First Amendment, the freedom of speech, and dirty limericks, which, as defined by the good people at Wikipedia, are really the only kind of true limerick. It states, "the true limerick, as a folk form, is always obscene." The clean limerick, it goes on to say, is "a periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity."

Furthermore, I'd like to point out that the "faddy" and "mediocre" Yuba Post actually stipulated in the rules of the "Submit a LimerickPic Contest," that "dirty limericks are allowed." Thus, not only does the Yuba Post support the categorical stamping out of free expression, they seem to have no problem lying and breaking the rules on a whim. Like some kind of lark.

Well, far be it for me to tell the snide little people of Yuba how to run their show, but I am here, breaking form from the traditional music and movie content of The Static, to take a stand for free speech and dirty limericks. Posted below are three LimerickPics, which the Post either rejected, or, in a cruel twist of events, edited without so much as asking permission from the writer to do so. How dare you, Yuba Post. No wonder your writers have quit on you.

SANTORUM #1

I once knew a douche named Santorum
We tried but we couldn't ignore him
Now the frothy mix
Of cum and shit
Is something we call a Santorum

SANTORUM #2

His daughter matches her doll
His sleezy intolerance appalls
He thinks sex in the butt
Is like fucking a duck
But he can kindly suck my balls!

LOST IN THE ABYSS

I entered the ice cave on my nightly hunt
But quickly regretted that silly stunt
For weeks I sought
To change my lot
When a shaft of light led me out of that cunt.