Sign of the Apocalypse, or Why Does the World Have to Suck so Fucking Much

I know I said I'd get you my movie run down "tomorrow" almost a week ago. My apologies. I'll get to it as soon as I can.

But I wanted to take this time to mention an outright travesty on the radio airwaves, not just for Los Angeles, but for the entire country as it is most certainly a harbinger of things to come:

Indie 103.1, the lone voice of the indie music world, nay, the relevant music world in Los Angeles was taken off the airwaves today, to be continued in some form on the internet at indie1031.com

Via their website, they left us what is essentially a suicide note:

Indie 103.1 will cease broadcasting over this frequency effective immediately. Because of changes in the radio industry and the way radio audiences are measured, stations in this market are being forced to play too much Britney, Puffy and alternative music that is neither new nor cutting edge. Due to these challenges, Indie 103.1 was recently faced with only one option --- to play the corporate radio game.

We have decided not to play that game any longer. Rather than changing the sound, spirit, and soul of what has made Indie 103.1 great Indie 103.1 will bid farewell to the terrestrial airwaves and take an alternative course.

This could only be done on the Internet, a place where rules do not apply and where new music thrives; be it grunge, punk, or alternative - simply put, only the best music.

For those of you with a computer at home or at work, log on to www.indie1031.com and listen to the new Indie 103.1 - which is really the old Indie 103.1, not the version of Indie 103.1 we are removing from the broadcast airwaves.

I don't really listen to the radio, but that hardly seems the point. The Clear Channel hegemony is oppressive and suffocating, and the notion that every radio station needs play the same music to survive is disgusting and terrifying.

I'm just sickened by this all.

Bring on the Apocalypse.

The Greatest Human Being Ever in the History of the Universe

You see, Tim Tebow decided to come back to the Gators for his senior season after winning his second national championship in three years, winning the Heisman in between, because he happens to be the greatest human being to ever grace God's green (and occasionally (75% of the time) blue) Earth. There has never been a man or woman with the honor and dignity of this young Florida Gator. When he was a child he met Mother Theresa and she cried for shame that she wasn't half the person Tim was. He was four at the time.

When Tim was in fifth grade, he saved three babies, two dogs, and a kitten from a burning building. Then he went home, finished his homework, finished his sister's homework, then spent the next three hours preaching the word of God to his townspeople.

When he was 15 years old, legend has it, he turned water to wine. Then he poured it down the drain, explaining that the legal drinking age was 21 for a reason.

So it's no surprise that Tim Tebow has decided to return to Florida for his senior season. This is a beautiful, perfect, selfless decision made by the most perfect human being ever created by this or any God.

Amen.

Quickly

Why is Nancy Pelosi always smiling? Is her face stuck like that? Do you think it disturbs the members of the house? I mean, we already knew she gave the Republicans the willies, but I think I'm starting to get them, too.

Here's my theory: You know how closeted homosexuals might over-posture as heterosexual, to the point, sometimes, of overt homophobia and violence? Think American Beauty, here. Think Milk. (On a side note, I'm pretty sure Gus Van Sant would kick Sam Mendes's suburban malaised ass.) Anyway, Nancy Pelosi managed to become Speaker of the House, third in succession to the presidency, so you have to imagine she's probably a bit of a pit bull. I can totally see her being a strict grandmother who lays down the motherfucking law. So if my hypothesis is correct, that creepy, broad, stick-on smile that makes her face look like a Halloween mask really is a mask. While everyone else can look relaxed in photos, Pelosi is probably terrified of scowling at the American public and so forces that plastered smile.

Either that or her face is stuck that way.

The Return of the Static

Hey, folks. It's the Senator here. Sorry I've been away for so long. As I'm sure you've noticed, I've been very very busy. I must say, when I convinced McCain to pick Palin and watched the ensuing Republican swoon, I felt pretty good. You see, in my line of work, it's not enough to bring bad luck. I can't look myself in the mirror unless I bring abject catastrophe and chaos. And I can't adequately rain terror unless people are thoroughly convinced it's clear and sunny outside. However, I must admit she was one of my easier tasks. All I had to do was get her to the table and she took care of the rest by herself. Charlie Gibson? Katie Couric? I had nothing to do with that. I just sat back and watched. Mirthfully, I might add.

Hey! How 'bout those Patriots, huh? You like that 18 game winning streak? How 'bout David Tyree's helmet catch? How 'bout Tom Brady's knee? I know. I'm pretty fond of me, too.

Oh, that whole economic collapse, ensuing Great Depression sequel? Yeah. You're welcome. But I swear I had nothing to do with Bernie Madoff. He was working solo. Some people are just assholes.

Where do you fall on the Palestinian/Israeli thing? Doesn't matter, I got 'em both!

And just in case you're a fan of the Michigan Wolverines... You were pretty pumped about Rich Rodriguez, huh? How did the worst season in the history of Michigan football feel? Felt pretty good from my end.

For the sake of full disclosure, I must admit I dropped the ball with Obama. If I had had my way, Bush would have declared a State of Emergency, invoked Martial Law and called off the elections. Believe me, it's not like I didn't try. And I threw everything I had at the guy's candidacy. Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright, bitter gun and religion clinging hicks (duh). I even threw down Blagojevich - nothing. I don't know what to say. I got beat. But don't think I won't keep trying. I promise you I'll keep trying. Let's see that fucker get out of the Middle East unscathed!

But I actually have a lot to talk about, a lot of things I wasn't able to get to. So sit back while I do a little rambling. This might need a couple installments:

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Fuck the BCS! Are you shitting me? Utah goes undefeated, beating four ranked teams, and has to sit second fiddle to a one loss and probably a two loss team! They're undefeated! They crushed Alabama who, let's not forget, was ranked NUMBER ONE for FIVE WEEKS!!! FIVE WEEKS! The only reason Florida is playing for a championship is because they managed to squeak by Alabama - who got demolished by the UNDEFEATED UTES. Florida lost to Ole Miss. Did we forget? Oklahoma lost to Texas who just barely beat a two loss (now three loss) Ohio State team from a pathetic Big Ten conference. Do you think either of those schools deserve a national title over an undefeated squad from Utah? USC, by the way, who never miss an opportunity to gripe unless they're in the title game, lost to Oregon State. You know who dismantled Oregon State? The same team that lost to Iowa and got smeared by USC in the Rose Bowl. So, Pete Carroll, really? You guys deserve to be National Champs over a team that never lost to anyone nearly as pathetic as Oregon State?

Of course Rick Reilly is much more eloquent on the matter here, but my little rant was, I think, an adequate summary. Fuck the BCS. Make a playoff system now! Unfortunately, the only ways I see this happening are A.) a majority of Americans boycott the Bowl Season, or B.) Obama muscles the House of Representatives to examine the BCS, which is actually already being scrutinized by a few lawyers for violating anti-trust laws. I probably read that in the Reilly piece, as well. I hope you're not coming to the Static for original material.

Anyway, I don't see either of those options happening, and I would be particularly pissed if option B actually took place, even though it's a thousand times more plausible than option A. The congressional hearings on Baseball doping were an embarrassment - government has a place and the athletic world is not even in the same solar system.

This year was a pretty lame year for movies and music. There was definitely some enjoyable stuff but I can't think of much, musically or cinematically, that really stood out.

Let's start with music:

If you haven't yet heard it, I highly highly recommend you take a listen to the Walkmen's You & Me. Critically, it was pretty universally loved but didn't really elicit much discussion, which is a shame, although rather typical of the Walkmen who, with this album, have not only returned to form after a couple awkward missteps, but actually surpassed expectations to create one of this year's truly beautiful albums. It's hazy and dark and nostalgic, emoting an ocean of yearning, not just for all that was, but often for all that could be. With songs like On the Water, In the New Year, and Red Moon, vocalist/guitarist Hamilton Leithauser manages to peg that innate sense that has permeated all of 2008; a sense that we're in limbo and kind of lost, not all satisfied with where we are, not sure, really, that we have anything to look forward to, and not all that anxious to look behind us, to examine the damage we've wrought. Just a stellar album and a payoff of their intrinsic promise.

Another album that I got in 2008 that blew my hair back and created quite an obsession for me was Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago. As the story goes, he broke up with his girlfriend and left his band in North Carolina to move back to his home in Wisconsin where he locked himself in his family's cabin in the middle of the woods and recorded this album in the dead of winter. The album reflects all of this, as Justin Vernon (Bon Iver), sweeps each song up in his lonely falsetto, layering vocal on top of vocal to create this haunting and addictive masterpiece. To be fair, he released it independently in 2007, but it wasn't released commercially until Jagjaguwar picked it up in February. So I'm counting it as a 2008 release.

Portishead reunited after an 11 year hiatus with Third. It is, without question, an excellent album, one in which Portishead reinvented themselves to make an album that doesn't sound like anything we've heard from Portishead before, but doesn't sound like anyone else, for that matter. Still, this album left me underwhelmed and I think it was considered great (mainly by Pitchfork) based on expectations. Reunion albums are usually busts, and this was anything but. However, except for a few songs, especially The Rip, the album's songs were particularly cold. It seems the band focussed more on making their songs challenging than enjoyable. Therefore, it's an album that's a lot of fun to examine and pick apart, but maybe not so fun to actually listen to. (Again, not including The Rip, which is a fucking awesome song.)

As far as albums that are fun to listen to, I can't think of many that rival Cut Copy's In Ghost Colours. Cribbing from the electronic dance, pop, and new wave music of the 80s, Cut Copy manage to infuse exciting energetic compositions with borderline euphoric melodies. Remember how much fun it was to listen to early Madonna, a la "Get into the Groove," or, say, Depeche Mode, or New Order, for that matter, regardless of whether or not you were dancing? That's about how much fun it is to listen to Cut Copy's newest. No matter what you're doing, this album is a shitload of fun.

Pitchfork bestowed their Number 1 album of the year on brand newbies Fleet Foxes, so I really don't need to say much about them. I will say this is a beautiful folk album with songs that belie the age of their composers.




So, apparently, TV on the Radio is starting to reach American Radiohead status. Each of their last two albums have made most critics year end top ten lists, with 2006's Return to Cookie Mountain topping many, and this year's Dear Science coming very close again. I remember when I couldn't find a copy of their first album, Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes, because most record stores hadn't heard of them. I remember specifically going to see them open for The Faint in Detroit and being one of about 10 people standing up for their set, while the rest of the hipsters sat, and being one of the extremely few who sang along to every song. It seem so long ago now that they're indie rock royalty. I really enjoyed Dear Science, "DLZ" is one of my favorite all time TV on the Radio songs. Their mining of Prince-ly guitars was especially exciting. But ultimately, this one never really blew my hair back. As a matter of fact, my hair stayed stiffly gelled. I can't say anything bad about the album. I really liked it. I highly recommend it, especially if you've never heard TV on the Radio before. I just hope, as good as the critics seem to think this album is, that we can expect more in the future. Maybe that's a lot to ask. I hope not.

Grouper's Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill is one of my new favorites. It has an atmospheric, ethereal quality unmatched in any album I've heard...ever. Probably because this is the first Grouper album I've ever heard. Apparently Liz Harris, from Portland, turned down the fuzz box on this album allowing at least some of her lyrics to shine through the haze, but no matter because you really can't make out most of what she's saying and it really doesn't matter. Each song is achingly beautiful, arching in and out of the mist of billowing acoustic compositions that seem to temporarily lift each song out of the darkness before plunging them back into shadow. Of particular note is the second track, "I'd Rather Be Sleeping" which has the sweetest, most addictive chorus on the album.

I already wrote about M83's Saturdays=Youth, but everything I said still stands. It sounds less like an album paying homage to the 80s, than album ripped right out of the 80s. It's sweet and nostalgic and totally John Hughes.

Now, unfortunately I'm not any kind of paid critic - I criticize for free, some call that being an asshole - so I haven't listened to anywhere near all of the albums I should have, or wish I had.



But I did just pick up Deerhunter's Microcastle/Weird Era Cont. and, while I haven't listened to it enough to give it a solid rundown, I must say that its combination of noise and melody, rock and psychedelia is pretty exciting.



Also, I went to a listening party for Animal Collective's new Merriweather Post Pavillion and picked up vinyl copy. The CD comes out on the 20th. While I haven't found a song on the album I like as much as "Fireworks" on Strawberry Jam or "Grass" on Feels, it is without question my favorite Animal Collective album as a whole. They've eschewed a lot of the ambient experimentation for an album-full collection of catchy, exciting, enjoyable songs.



OK. I'm going to stop there. We'll talk about movies tomorrow...

Satire

Just a quick note about this cover. Of course it's stirred up a maelstrom of controversy - well, umbrage, at least. It seems neither pundit nor politician can move quick enough to take offense.

Jon Stewart made an excellent point, as he is want to do, when he noted the irony in the television pundits' outrage for pushing false, meritless rumors, when that's what they do on a daily basis. "Was it a pound? A fist bump? A terrorist fist jab?" - courtesy of Fox news.

So, to summarize, at the risk of being redundant, this cover, courtesy of Barry Blitt, conveys all of the most outlandish rumors attributed to Barack and Michelle, rumors disseminated to the public primarily via the 24 hour news networks, only for those same networks to feign disgust. Perhaps, each rumor one at a time is news, but lumped together in a single cartoon is unacceptable. This is irony. Good. We've covered irony.

But the argument made in defense of this cover is that it is satire. Um...actually, I hate to break it to you, but no. It isn't. Satire is "the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc." (I copied that from dictionary.com - just so we're all on the same page.) The reason this cartoon is not satire is because it says nothing - it neither exposes, denounces, nor derides. It merely depicts. There's no higher message, no lesson to be learned, no...point. It shows us all the rumors and lies, but makes no judgment on them.

The only possible satire one might discern from the cover is contextual. Because these Right Wing smears appear on the cover of the stereotypically liberal New Yorker, one would likely infer that the magazine's editors are not supporting the images but must be making a statement against them. And so shouts of "satire" ring out from the rafters.

But what is the statement that is supposedly being made? Where is the satire? Merely being on the cover of the New Yorker is not sufficient.

It is precisely because this cartoon fails at its proposed purpose of satire that it is offensive. Instead of sending up these outlandish attacks as the absurdities that they are - absurdities that should no more be paid attention to than one would pay attention to claims that gay marriage would tear apart our families and destroy our civilization - the cartoon merely reprints and repeats them. The title of the cartoon could easily be, "This is what Some People are Saying." No rebuttal. No counterpoint. Just, "this is what some people are saying."

Awesome. Thanks.

Lies become truth through repetition. You tell one story over and over again, it doesn't matter what really happened. All this cartoon does is perpetuate the right wing smear narrative. By showing Barack in traditional Muslim garb or Michelle as a militant, the cartoon is enforcing, rather than denouncing, such attacks. It's putting an image to a lie, but saying nothing of the lie. We all heard the lovely folks in West Virginia tell us they didn't vote for Obama in the primaries because, "Blacks cause too many problems," and they've "had enough of Hussein," and they don't like them no Muslims. (Well, something to that effect.) Do we really need to keep putting gas in that engine?

While everyone in the media claims to be offended by the images that they helped perpetuate, I'm mostly just offended that The New Yorker doesn't even understand satire. If they did, they would have avoided this whole mess and, perhaps, actually said something worthwhile, besides "This is what Some People are Saying..."

And it wasn't even funny.

Dancing Around the World

This video is lovely. I've been trying to copy this guy's dancing style for hours, but I can't quite get it.


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Happy Memorial Day

If I haven't mentioned this before, I LOVE Stereogum.

Why? Because Stereogum loves me. And you. And everyone who loves music.

Need proof? Go download your memorial day mixtape right now!

Languish in the tunes brought to you by the good people (Brandon Stosuy, I am your disciple) at Stereogum.

God, if only I were a legitimate blog. I want nothing more than to bestow mix after mix upon you four readers.

This will have to do for now. And let's be honest, it probably far surpasses anything I could give you anyway.

(Side note: Does anyone know what "woot" means? Is it SMS speak? I'm confused.)

Portishead Update

...definitely growing on me...

RECORD REVIEWS IN 100 WORDS OR LESS*

M83
Saturdays=Youth
8.5






Things to do this summer:

• Read at least five books
• Work on my lats
• Cure cancer
  
• Watch all of John Hughes' eighties comedies
• Listen to M83's Saturdays=Youth incessantly
  

Those last two may be one in the same. In addition to citing John Hughes as their main influence for this record, they boast songs with lyrics like this spoken word gem in the middle of "Graveyard Girl:" The cemetery is my home/I want to be a part of it/Invisible even to the night/Then I'll read poetry to the stones./Maybe one day I could be one of them.../Wise and silent./Waiting for someone to love me./Waiting for someone to kiss me./I'm fifteen years old/And I feel it's already too late to live./Don't you?

Molly Ringwald, I fucking get you.

*I've stopped counting.

Young @ Heart

Thank God I went to see this alone: I was a wreck. This wonderful documentary proves my theorem: old people rock!

Go see this movie - you'll laugh, you'll rock, but if you don't cry, you don't have a soul.